No, not real hard cash, which might be somewhat useful. In the publishing world where I exist, what gets exchanged this time of year is enormous boxes of candy, fruit baskets, monstrous collections of holiday cookies, cheeses, nuts, sausage, etc. etc., all deluging us from Asian printers, prepress color houses, paper manufacturers, copy machine vendors, design studios, the more prosperous freelancers....all the folks who trying to create just a little bit of good will that might sway us into given them our business in the upcoming year. As the publishing business has become unbelievably competitive in recent years, the quality of the bribery has also increased.
....there's only so much restraint a middle-aged guy should be expected to exercise. I'm not a lecherous old coot in the normal sense—pretty girls are entirely safe from me— but fine Swiss chocolate does have the power to create a certain kind of lust that leaves me occasionally powerless.
I'm hiding this lust from my wife. I eat dinner dutifully each night, unable to confess that I've cheated on the evening meal just a few hours earlier, with an entire harem of beautiful candies perfumed with raspberry sea salt and wearing naughty lingerie of caramel under tight black dresses of rich chocolate.
I'm so ashamed.
May I extend my deepest sympathy to you in your (un)enviable plight. I am certain that your shame runs deep, but I am certain that no-one will judge you. You might even consider 'taking all that thou hast (been offered as bribes) and give to the poor (who hath not been considered worthy of a bribe).' I just thank the heavens that I am not so righteous that I must have such temptations put in my way. Bon Courage!
ReplyDeleteNow I feel really ashamed, as giving the snacks to the less fortunate never occurred to me at all. I"m a bad, bad man.
ReplyDeleteLet me alleviate some of your shame, then. I lust for fine Swiss, Belgian, French (insert nationality here) chocolates year 'round and am quite the hussy for it. I'll even pay the postage to have them sent over here.
ReplyDeleteI will be your sin eater, Geezer.
Seeing the photo and reading of your submission to the power of chocolate has me ready to leave this chair and go hunt for where my creative and culinarily skilled Lana has hidden the chocolate covered orange peels she made this week. "They are for gifts!" she reminds me.
ReplyDeleteOh how I remember those "bribes." Of course way back, as a cub reporter, the gifts that came to the newsroom
were from the telephone company pr man, labor union media contact, and the sort. No chocolate there, no indeed! Their seasonal offerings were of the spirit variety-bottled and occasionally aged.
Cheers and no regrets this season!
"there's only so much restraint a middle-aged guy should be expected to exercise." But the lack of restraint will require more exercise! :)
ReplyDeleteThat statement - "there's only so much restraint a middle-aged guy should be expected to exercise" - is exactly right in my view. Heck, it's only once a year. "Indulge!", I cry, "Indulge!" You might even swipe a box to bring home to your loving bride, thus exculpating your sins. :^)
ReplyDeleteHow can anyone not give in to such luscious temptation? Not I...
ReplyDelete