2. You prefer your E-book reader not because it's cool technology, but because you can set the print large enough to read without glasses.
3. Your wife rubs her palm in the center of your back in the middle of the night not because she's feeling frisky, but because you're not snoring and she's checking to make sure you're still breathing.
4. You check your 401k account balances weekly, and you genuinely understand the concept of "equity." You actually fret over the question "Bonds or stocks?"
|Robert Plant: Lead singer of Led Zeppelin, |
and Geezer extraordinaire
6. Your kids no longer treat you like stern gods, and you have also passed through the period where you're a moron; they now interact with you like regular people. Enjoy it: the tolerant pity phase is just down the road.
7. On cable television, the History Channel, Discovery, and the Weather Channel are far more interesting than HBO or Showtime. You'd rather watch "Hoarders" and "Pawn Stars" than "Breaking Bad" and "Mad Men." Everglades pythons exploding after they swallow alligators is more intriguing than bare boobies on "Boardwalk Empire."
9. Having sex on the floor no longer has any appeal whatsoever. And man-on-bottom is preferred for a single reason: it's easy on the back.
|"Hey, buddy, wanna score|
some primo Kava? Cocktailhour
without the hangover."
|"Wasn't me. Was it you?"|